Sunday, March 30, 2008

A course in miracles

I think having cancer teaches you many things, some invaluable and some not so much. It's like some kind of lesson taught by a perverse professor who wants you to learn the hard way. So while I'm still not jumping up and down about being put in this class, and I'm looking forward to graduating out of it, at least I'm taking something positive from it.
You have to follow the lesson plan carefully so you don't miss anything because each subsequent lesson builds upon the one before. Somewhere in the midst of the confusion and the frustration, you begin to make some sense of the whole thing and then it just all begins to click. You start to ace your exams and before you know it, you've passed with flying colors.
I know for me somewhere between getting to know coffee in ways I never thought possible (It's never even sent me flowers!), and learning to give myself the heimlich while choking on 25 pills, I've learned some miraculous things about myself and others that I probably wouldn't have without professor C.
First and foremost I've learned that I'm an indestructible, butt-kicking, spitfire who laughs in the face of destruction. Yeah, right! But anyway, I'm definitely braver and stronger than I ever thought I would be. And I also learned who I can and can't count on, and some of that realization has been eye opening. I've forged some pretty strong bonds with some pretty terrific people that I'm so grateful to have on my side.
Another important lesson has been just learning to live for and relish each moment. To appreciate all the people and things that make my life special. To live for now, instead of later. To let go of resentments and judgements. To put myself first. OK, so I haven't aced that one yet. Maybe I should get some tutoring.

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